Dear Addiction

Dear Addiction,

I’ve put off talking to you for a long time. I suppose it’s because we’ve had a complicated relationship. You have definitely protected me in times of deep hurt. I’ll give you that. But you have also hurt me quite badly. You have given me pleasure when all I felt was pain. But you’ve also filled my life with more pain than I can even describe. I’ve abused you and you’ve abused me.

I’ve lost friends because of you. I’ve hurt those I love as you’ve replaced them. You’ve wormed your way into every precious thing in my life and corrupted it. You’ve changed me into someone I don’t even recognize anymore. Your promises to help me cope until I felt hope again have proven hollow. What a crock!

I defended you when others attacked you. I made so many excuses for you over the years. I even hid you so that you didn’t have to endure the criticism of my loved ones. But I feel betrayed by you. Our relationship started so innocently, but you’re over-possessive now…and I feel trapped. It’s so weird…I want to get away from you and I can’t live without you all at the same time. That’s crazy! I’m crazy! You’re driving me crazy!!

You knew all along that it would lead to this, didn’t you? You lying sack of trash! You had no intention of freeing me; it was all a ruse. I didn’t even know your real name when we met. You told me it was Affection only for me to find out later it was actually Addiction. You were afraid if I knew your real name on day one that I would end it right there. Ya think?

Others even warned me about you. It seems you get around…you’re such a player. I feel so stupid. I told them it was different for us…that you were different with me. But I’m just another unsuspecting victim of your controlling spirit. And now you threaten to destroy my life if I leave you. Your initial hospitality has turned to hostility.

But here’s the deal, I’ve met someone else. His name is Jesus. He told me that he would care for me now…just like you did a while back. But he didn’t just promise to protect me, he told me that he loved me. You’ve never loved me. You just used me! You gave me ease, but not peace. Pleasure, but no joy. You provided an escape, but never freedom. I know the difference now.

So I won’t be needing you anymore. Your days of holding me hostage are over. You can trying calling and begging me to come back, but I’m blocking your calls. And one other thing, I’m telling everyone I know about you so that they don’t fall for your sweet talk. I’m finally onto you, you punk!

It feels so liberating to finally get this off my chest. You’ve stolen so much from me over the years and today I’m taking it all back. Besides, Jesus treats me so much better than you ever did. It’s amazing the difference love makes in a relationship. So long, sucker.

Sincerely,

Jason Matthew Holdridge