Aly came out of her room crying...
It was a typical night in the Holdridge household.
The boys were already in bed which means the rest of us were catching our breath. Heidi was downstairs getting a couple things cleaned up before bedtime, Tay was already in bed and out cold, I was watching a new show on Netflicks upstairs in the loft, and Aly had just taken a shower after another long night of homework.
As she came out of the bathroom, she leaned down to give me a hug & kiss goodnight before she went back into her bedroom to hit the sack. I made an off the cuff comment like: "Great spending another day of quality time with you before you head off to college in 9 months!" She turned and smirked with a bit of a furrowed brow.
You see, this year has been kicking her tail. She has homework every day that sometimes takes her deep into the night to finish. I can't even count how many times I'm heading to bed at 11:30pm and I head up to her room to give her a kiss goodnight and she still has an hour of study left. Her reading lamp is on, her books are sprawled all over her bed, papers are strewn about with chicken-scratched formulas and sentences written out meticulously with colored pencils. She is a study nazi. But it comes with a price...her eyes are squinting with fatigue, her body is slumped over in resignation, and her face just says, "I'm beat." This has been the rule this year, not the exception.
I didn't realize that my jest about being "two ships passing in the night" and "her leaving for college" would be like plunging a knife into her heart. She went to her room and I went back to watching my new Netflicks show. After a few minutes, I heard her door open and moments later she was walking toward me with eyes full of tears and a voice cracking with sadness.
"I've been so busy lately and I hate it. I feel like I just wake up, go to school, come home, do homework all night, go to bed, and then repeat it all over again the next day. I don't want it to be like this the year before I leave for college."
By the time she finished her sentence I had already shut off the television and motioned her over to sit with me on the loft couch. She leaned against my side as I hugged her and just let her cry out some broken sentences. I asked some questions and she just released a lot of pent up tension with her life right now. I'm sad that my sarcastic statement caused her distress, but I'm glad that it gave her an opportunity to crack open and share her heart. We sat there for about 20 minutes and just processed all that life was throwing at her (us). She cried, I cried a little, she talked, I listened, I shared, she took it in. It was cathartic and therapeutic.
The next day we went out for coffee on a daddy-daughter date and talked about everything from college, family, future, perfectionism, memories, dreams, siblings, God, friends, and mostly us. Our relationship past, present, and future. How important it is to "leave and cleave" as she moves into the future, and how important it is for me to "release and bless" her into her future. I want her to feel free, to be free, and to spread that freedom to others. I don't want her to feel tension as she's torn away from our home. In fact, I don't want to feel like it's a tearing at all, I want it to feel like it's a commissioning into the future. A way to bless her place in our home and to release her to be all that God has created her to be. This conversation was essential to have. I shed some tears, she listened to my spirit of release and permission...and I felt like we began the process of launching her into "God's purpose and mission" for her life.
It's hard, but it's so rewarding. I can't believe I have the kind of relationship with my daughters that we can hang out together in a relaxed setting and just talk as friends. It hit me a couple weeks ago that my daughters are some of my best friends. We have not treated them as so-called "friends" in our parenting of them throughout the years...I've seen the danger of that modus operandi. But as we've tried to be caring and loving parents throughout the years, we've been fortunate enough to raise not only great daughters, but good friends.
I don't remember anyone telling me this would happen, so forgive me if I seem so surprised.
The boys were already in bed which means the rest of us were catching our breath. Heidi was downstairs getting a couple things cleaned up before bedtime, Tay was already in bed and out cold, I was watching a new show on Netflicks upstairs in the loft, and Aly had just taken a shower after another long night of homework.
As she came out of the bathroom, she leaned down to give me a hug & kiss goodnight before she went back into her bedroom to hit the sack. I made an off the cuff comment like: "Great spending another day of quality time with you before you head off to college in 9 months!" She turned and smirked with a bit of a furrowed brow.
You see, this year has been kicking her tail. She has homework every day that sometimes takes her deep into the night to finish. I can't even count how many times I'm heading to bed at 11:30pm and I head up to her room to give her a kiss goodnight and she still has an hour of study left. Her reading lamp is on, her books are sprawled all over her bed, papers are strewn about with chicken-scratched formulas and sentences written out meticulously with colored pencils. She is a study nazi. But it comes with a price...her eyes are squinting with fatigue, her body is slumped over in resignation, and her face just says, "I'm beat." This has been the rule this year, not the exception.
I didn't realize that my jest about being "two ships passing in the night" and "her leaving for college" would be like plunging a knife into her heart. She went to her room and I went back to watching my new Netflicks show. After a few minutes, I heard her door open and moments later she was walking toward me with eyes full of tears and a voice cracking with sadness.
"I've been so busy lately and I hate it. I feel like I just wake up, go to school, come home, do homework all night, go to bed, and then repeat it all over again the next day. I don't want it to be like this the year before I leave for college."
By the time she finished her sentence I had already shut off the television and motioned her over to sit with me on the loft couch. She leaned against my side as I hugged her and just let her cry out some broken sentences. I asked some questions and she just released a lot of pent up tension with her life right now. I'm sad that my sarcastic statement caused her distress, but I'm glad that it gave her an opportunity to crack open and share her heart. We sat there for about 20 minutes and just processed all that life was throwing at her (us). She cried, I cried a little, she talked, I listened, I shared, she took it in. It was cathartic and therapeutic.
The next day we went out for coffee on a daddy-daughter date and talked about everything from college, family, future, perfectionism, memories, dreams, siblings, God, friends, and mostly us. Our relationship past, present, and future. How important it is to "leave and cleave" as she moves into the future, and how important it is for me to "release and bless" her into her future. I want her to feel free, to be free, and to spread that freedom to others. I don't want her to feel tension as she's torn away from our home. In fact, I don't want to feel like it's a tearing at all, I want it to feel like it's a commissioning into the future. A way to bless her place in our home and to release her to be all that God has created her to be. This conversation was essential to have. I shed some tears, she listened to my spirit of release and permission...and I felt like we began the process of launching her into "God's purpose and mission" for her life.
It's hard, but it's so rewarding. I can't believe I have the kind of relationship with my daughters that we can hang out together in a relaxed setting and just talk as friends. It hit me a couple weeks ago that my daughters are some of my best friends. We have not treated them as so-called "friends" in our parenting of them throughout the years...I've seen the danger of that modus operandi. But as we've tried to be caring and loving parents throughout the years, we've been fortunate enough to raise not only great daughters, but good friends.
I don't remember anyone telling me this would happen, so forgive me if I seem so surprised.
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