Raising boys vs. Raising girls
I'm five and a half years into fathering sons after 19 years of fathering daughters. I am well aware that my take on the difference between parenting boys and girls is subjective and influenced by my age and energy level in comparison to when I was in my 20's as well as other factors like pastoring a church as opposed to simply being an associate pastor on a staff. All these nuances effected my energy level differently, but there are some things that I'm more aware of due to experience that I couldn't offer the girls...so it's probably a wash when all is said an done.
But I felt the need to articulate some of the distinctions I've noticed after 5 years of adopting our sons and fathering our boys hearts. I can't help but notice that I'm dealing with a different creature. Here are some of my observations...
The boys are more high strung, the girls were more mellow.
The boys are more into wrestling, the girls were more into snuggling.
The boys get bored of things really fast, the girls seemed to be able to concentrate on one thing.
The boys love being in the woods with me, the girls were afraid of the woods for some reason.
The boys love to do more dangerous things, the girls cried when I took them to the train-tracks.
The boys love to destroy things by nature, the girls were more careful and conscientious.
The boys love action-packed movies, the girls couldn't watch anything remotely scary.
The boys drain Heidi of her patience quicker, the girls weren't as high maintenance.
The boys love finding turtles, snakes, and bugs, the girls were freaked out by anything that moved.
The boys want to tussle at bedtime, the girls wanted to talk at bedtime.
The boys are harder to entertain, the girls were easy to keep occupied.
The boys don't like to play alone as much, the girls could play alone with each other for hours.
The boys love Marvel Superheroes, the girls loved Disney Princesses.
The boys love to fish, the girls were grossed out by worms and slimy fish (except Tay).
The boys get up earlier and our louder, the girls slept in more and were quite when they woke up.
The boys don't cry when they get hurt, the girls cried at the possibility of being hurt.
The boys don't naturally give me a kiss at night, the girls needed to in order to go to bed.
The boys want me to referee fighting matches, the girls wanted me to dress up and dance with them.
The boys like watching UFC, the girls liked watching High School Musical.
The boys are more picky about what they eat, the girls were so easy to prepare meals for.
The boys seem to get in more altercations with friends when alone, the girls meshed with friends.
The boys almost can't help making bad choices, the girls seemed to have more self-control.
The boys bounce off furniture and walls as the go, the girls just waltzed to where they were going.
The boys in general are more defiant, the girls were (again, in general) more compliant.
The boys are boisterous and loud, the girls were more methodical and soft spoken.
The boys aren't as affected by discipline, the girls would cry when we'd simply lift our voice.
The boys love quality time, the girls loved quality time. (no difference there.)
The boys want to be outside more, the girls loved to be inside more.
The boys are more drawn to video games, the girls liked to play actual games.
The boys are harder to corral at bed time, the girls were beginning to wind down at bed time.
The boys forget discipline quicker, the girls seemed to remember discipline and resist repeat offenses.
The boys have minds like steal traps with promises made, the girls were identical in their photographic memory of what we said we would do.
The boys lie and stretch the truth more, the girls did that with less frequency for some reason.
The boys take 4x's the energy to parent, the girls seemed to fall into place more naturally.
I hope these don't sound harsh toward the boys compared to the girls...they each have their distinct advantages and disadvantages, challenges and blessings...but there's not doubt the playing field is different and I'm not interested in being politically correct in order to pretend there is some false equality. There is definite distinction...and it helps me to gird up my loins each day to know what I've gotten myself into and what it will take to be successful with both my girls and my boys. The tactics and strategies are not just drag and drop, this parenting things takes an elasticity that can make some shifts on the fly. The more I acknowledge that, the better I do with staying present and proactive in my parenting.
I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to raise little girls, and now to shape-shift in my 40's to raise little boys. I long to be the dad each of my children need in each stage of their journey. Today I'm going out to coffee with my 19 year old to inquire of her heart and to help her through she feelings she's been wrestling with...it's still parenting on a different scale. And scaling my parenting doesn't happening easily or naturally...I have to work hard on it.
Anyway...these are some thoughts today on parenting with purpose in the face of obvious distinctions. My prayer is that I would adapt and adjust come what may seeking God's heart for my children and showing them the exact love they need at each checkpoint of their adventure. And where I can't be perfect, I pray that I'm at least present.
But I felt the need to articulate some of the distinctions I've noticed after 5 years of adopting our sons and fathering our boys hearts. I can't help but notice that I'm dealing with a different creature. Here are some of my observations...
The boys are more high strung, the girls were more mellow.
The boys are more into wrestling, the girls were more into snuggling.
The boys get bored of things really fast, the girls seemed to be able to concentrate on one thing.
The boys love being in the woods with me, the girls were afraid of the woods for some reason.
The boys love to do more dangerous things, the girls cried when I took them to the train-tracks.
The boys love to destroy things by nature, the girls were more careful and conscientious.
The boys love action-packed movies, the girls couldn't watch anything remotely scary.
The boys drain Heidi of her patience quicker, the girls weren't as high maintenance.
The boys love finding turtles, snakes, and bugs, the girls were freaked out by anything that moved.
The boys want to tussle at bedtime, the girls wanted to talk at bedtime.
The boys are harder to entertain, the girls were easy to keep occupied.
The boys don't like to play alone as much, the girls could play alone with each other for hours.
The boys love Marvel Superheroes, the girls loved Disney Princesses.
The boys love to fish, the girls were grossed out by worms and slimy fish (except Tay).
The boys get up earlier and our louder, the girls slept in more and were quite when they woke up.
The boys don't cry when they get hurt, the girls cried at the possibility of being hurt.
The boys don't naturally give me a kiss at night, the girls needed to in order to go to bed.
The boys want me to referee fighting matches, the girls wanted me to dress up and dance with them.
The boys like watching UFC, the girls liked watching High School Musical.
The boys are more picky about what they eat, the girls were so easy to prepare meals for.
The boys seem to get in more altercations with friends when alone, the girls meshed with friends.
The boys almost can't help making bad choices, the girls seemed to have more self-control.
The boys bounce off furniture and walls as the go, the girls just waltzed to where they were going.
The boys in general are more defiant, the girls were (again, in general) more compliant.
The boys are boisterous and loud, the girls were more methodical and soft spoken.
The boys aren't as affected by discipline, the girls would cry when we'd simply lift our voice.
The boys love quality time, the girls loved quality time. (no difference there.)
The boys want to be outside more, the girls loved to be inside more.
The boys are more drawn to video games, the girls liked to play actual games.
The boys are harder to corral at bed time, the girls were beginning to wind down at bed time.
The boys forget discipline quicker, the girls seemed to remember discipline and resist repeat offenses.
The boys have minds like steal traps with promises made, the girls were identical in their photographic memory of what we said we would do.
The boys lie and stretch the truth more, the girls did that with less frequency for some reason.
The boys take 4x's the energy to parent, the girls seemed to fall into place more naturally.
I hope these don't sound harsh toward the boys compared to the girls...they each have their distinct advantages and disadvantages, challenges and blessings...but there's not doubt the playing field is different and I'm not interested in being politically correct in order to pretend there is some false equality. There is definite distinction...and it helps me to gird up my loins each day to know what I've gotten myself into and what it will take to be successful with both my girls and my boys. The tactics and strategies are not just drag and drop, this parenting things takes an elasticity that can make some shifts on the fly. The more I acknowledge that, the better I do with staying present and proactive in my parenting.
I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to raise little girls, and now to shape-shift in my 40's to raise little boys. I long to be the dad each of my children need in each stage of their journey. Today I'm going out to coffee with my 19 year old to inquire of her heart and to help her through she feelings she's been wrestling with...it's still parenting on a different scale. And scaling my parenting doesn't happening easily or naturally...I have to work hard on it.
Anyway...these are some thoughts today on parenting with purpose in the face of obvious distinctions. My prayer is that I would adapt and adjust come what may seeking God's heart for my children and showing them the exact love they need at each checkpoint of their adventure. And where I can't be perfect, I pray that I'm at least present.
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