The cost of freedom and flexibility...
I remember looking at people who were-selffmployed and thinking, "It must be nice to get to do what you want whenever you want." No punching into work. No oppressive bean-counting as it relates to vacation days and sick leave. No answer to someone who is looking over your shoulder. The freedom to set you own schedule and execute life as you want it to be as opposed to simply complying to life as it is, established by someone else who was calling the shots.
I have been under someone else's leadership ever since I could remember. Of coarse, my parents were the first that I understood to be my authority and when they said we were doing things or not doing things, that was that. But when I started working, I remember having a boss named Dennis. I loved him, but I knew that keeping him happy was my main priority. I knew the key to living peacefully with him was to do as he said with effectiveness and efficiency. I never thought about profitability except that I remember thinking he had tons of money simply because he was at the top, in charge. We even made jokes about him having money coming out of his butt...crude, but I remember saying that will fellow underlings.
I remember him going on heli-ski trips to the British Columbia in the winter. I remember him taking expeditions into remote places to fish in virgin rivers and lakes in the nether regions of Canada. He would leave for a week or two and remembered thinking, "He's so lucky that he's in charge with all the money. He has all the freedom and all the fun." To me, the one who owned the operation was living in the lap of luxury, unfettered from the plights of the common man. Was my head in the clouds.
It wasn't until I was handed the keys of leadership seven years ago that I remember the mantle being placed on me. It felt more like one of those lead vests you get in an X-ray room than an ornate robe of responsibility. I remember the feeling of "that's their problem" turned to "every problem is mine to own and solve". It wasn't healthy, but it just happened.
I realized very quickly that being in charge didn't grant you freedom, it brought about a high degree of decision making that felt every bit like it could lead to reward or ruin. But mostly it was the fear of imminent and eventual ruin. I had the freedom come and go as I pleased, but all that meant is that wherever I went I thought about how everything was hinging on my leadership of the leaders and the church as a whole, so I was never really free. I was bound to the weight of people's lives that were depending on me for ideas, solutions, plans, vision, strategy, and execution. They were leaning on me as I was leading them...I felt that weight immediately.
For nearly 36 years of my life I had the luxury of saying "I would have done this if I were leading" when things weren't going well, but now when things weren't going well, I had no alibi, I had no excuses, no one to blame. If something wasn't working, it was my idea, so I would have to eat crow and go back to the drawing board. And I tried things that bore no fruit. I mean I always dreamed that if I took the helm that all my ideas would bring swift and sweeping success...quite the opposite. My best thoughts and best practices fell flat on their face, and the amount of pushback and negative feedback was paralyzing. I was green. I was naive. I was untested.
It didn't take long for humility to turn to humiliation...and I needed that. It seemed that God was thwarting my efforts to be successful to teach me something about leadership and myself. He wanted me to know that good ideas, and charismatic vision-casting, and giftedness, and a likable personality weren't the things that made things happen. He was teaching me through hardship and anxiety and paralysis that absolute need I had for him to be my break wall and my lighthouse. To be the voice and the vision. To be the reason and the goal. He actually needed to teach me that leadership isn't about being in charge, it's about serving others and taking hits for them. It's about eating sin and absorbing the endangering situations to protect the flock from harm. It's about self-sacrifice, not self-promotion. Being thrown in the deep end taught me more in 9 months that all my years of Bible College and ministry combined. I realized that leadership isn't doing what you want, it's doing what's right. Success or failure. Criticism or Adulation.
So Dennis wasn't just rolling in the dough and doing whatever he wanted, though he was good about getting away, it was probably racked with grief and pressure and pain and doubt. He was trying to keep employees cared for and pulling schedules together to keep the train on the tracks. He was probably gathering with his leaders of various department and holding there feet to the fire and trying to encourage them at the same time. He was probably discouraged with the P & L on some months, elated at solvency and profitability on other months. He was trying to weight out with calculated risk whether he should take on more debt for expansion in order to achieve the ultimate dream for Ontario Orchards. I watched him invest on the front end in the landscaping dept. and the facility expansion of the bakery, both things that increased overhead at first and took years to pay for themselves. I'm sure he wrestled with whether he made the right decision on some days...but we didn't see that. We saw the energetic, positive spirit he had when he would walk around the business giving high fives and admonishing employees when he noticed something could be done easier or better. What we perceived as the care-free life of freedom and flexibility was almost the opposite.
No doubt he had money, but it didn't just come from kicking back, smoking cigars, and barking orders from his posh perch...he was carrying the vision with him everywhere he went. And his vacations where probably his attempt to extricate himself from the all-consuming nature of leadership. He needed those excursion to survive else he find himself eaten alive with the vexations of vision. His joy was hard fought. His vision was tested. His passion was the result of ruthless discipline.
So leadership isn't freedom and flexibility alone...those perceptions come with a cost. I love leadership with all my heart, but I am under no illusions these days. The rewards are always balances by the risks. And the success is always viewed through the lens of the sacrifice. It's not always seen, but that's the point, leaders aren't supposed to be telling everyone what they are doing and going through, they are supposed to serve those under them by getting under them and supporting them with everything in their power. At least the good leaders.
I have been under someone else's leadership ever since I could remember. Of coarse, my parents were the first that I understood to be my authority and when they said we were doing things or not doing things, that was that. But when I started working, I remember having a boss named Dennis. I loved him, but I knew that keeping him happy was my main priority. I knew the key to living peacefully with him was to do as he said with effectiveness and efficiency. I never thought about profitability except that I remember thinking he had tons of money simply because he was at the top, in charge. We even made jokes about him having money coming out of his butt...crude, but I remember saying that will fellow underlings.
I remember him going on heli-ski trips to the British Columbia in the winter. I remember him taking expeditions into remote places to fish in virgin rivers and lakes in the nether regions of Canada. He would leave for a week or two and remembered thinking, "He's so lucky that he's in charge with all the money. He has all the freedom and all the fun." To me, the one who owned the operation was living in the lap of luxury, unfettered from the plights of the common man. Was my head in the clouds.
It wasn't until I was handed the keys of leadership seven years ago that I remember the mantle being placed on me. It felt more like one of those lead vests you get in an X-ray room than an ornate robe of responsibility. I remember the feeling of "that's their problem" turned to "every problem is mine to own and solve". It wasn't healthy, but it just happened.
I realized very quickly that being in charge didn't grant you freedom, it brought about a high degree of decision making that felt every bit like it could lead to reward or ruin. But mostly it was the fear of imminent and eventual ruin. I had the freedom come and go as I pleased, but all that meant is that wherever I went I thought about how everything was hinging on my leadership of the leaders and the church as a whole, so I was never really free. I was bound to the weight of people's lives that were depending on me for ideas, solutions, plans, vision, strategy, and execution. They were leaning on me as I was leading them...I felt that weight immediately.
For nearly 36 years of my life I had the luxury of saying "I would have done this if I were leading" when things weren't going well, but now when things weren't going well, I had no alibi, I had no excuses, no one to blame. If something wasn't working, it was my idea, so I would have to eat crow and go back to the drawing board. And I tried things that bore no fruit. I mean I always dreamed that if I took the helm that all my ideas would bring swift and sweeping success...quite the opposite. My best thoughts and best practices fell flat on their face, and the amount of pushback and negative feedback was paralyzing. I was green. I was naive. I was untested.
It didn't take long for humility to turn to humiliation...and I needed that. It seemed that God was thwarting my efforts to be successful to teach me something about leadership and myself. He wanted me to know that good ideas, and charismatic vision-casting, and giftedness, and a likable personality weren't the things that made things happen. He was teaching me through hardship and anxiety and paralysis that absolute need I had for him to be my break wall and my lighthouse. To be the voice and the vision. To be the reason and the goal. He actually needed to teach me that leadership isn't about being in charge, it's about serving others and taking hits for them. It's about eating sin and absorbing the endangering situations to protect the flock from harm. It's about self-sacrifice, not self-promotion. Being thrown in the deep end taught me more in 9 months that all my years of Bible College and ministry combined. I realized that leadership isn't doing what you want, it's doing what's right. Success or failure. Criticism or Adulation.
So Dennis wasn't just rolling in the dough and doing whatever he wanted, though he was good about getting away, it was probably racked with grief and pressure and pain and doubt. He was trying to keep employees cared for and pulling schedules together to keep the train on the tracks. He was probably gathering with his leaders of various department and holding there feet to the fire and trying to encourage them at the same time. He was probably discouraged with the P & L on some months, elated at solvency and profitability on other months. He was trying to weight out with calculated risk whether he should take on more debt for expansion in order to achieve the ultimate dream for Ontario Orchards. I watched him invest on the front end in the landscaping dept. and the facility expansion of the bakery, both things that increased overhead at first and took years to pay for themselves. I'm sure he wrestled with whether he made the right decision on some days...but we didn't see that. We saw the energetic, positive spirit he had when he would walk around the business giving high fives and admonishing employees when he noticed something could be done easier or better. What we perceived as the care-free life of freedom and flexibility was almost the opposite.
No doubt he had money, but it didn't just come from kicking back, smoking cigars, and barking orders from his posh perch...he was carrying the vision with him everywhere he went. And his vacations where probably his attempt to extricate himself from the all-consuming nature of leadership. He needed those excursion to survive else he find himself eaten alive with the vexations of vision. His joy was hard fought. His vision was tested. His passion was the result of ruthless discipline.
So leadership isn't freedom and flexibility alone...those perceptions come with a cost. I love leadership with all my heart, but I am under no illusions these days. The rewards are always balances by the risks. And the success is always viewed through the lens of the sacrifice. It's not always seen, but that's the point, leaders aren't supposed to be telling everyone what they are doing and going through, they are supposed to serve those under them by getting under them and supporting them with everything in their power. At least the good leaders.
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