What I tell myself...

Yesterday was a hard day.  It seemed from the moment I woke up that it wasn't just going to rain, it was going to pour.

What is always interesting is that these hits often happen in the middle of a moment where you are leading something.  You can't just stop what you're doing and address the controversy or conflict, so you have to keep your composure and finish whatever responsibility you're in with as much strength and stamina as you can muster.

I'll just say that I process moments like this by "saying things to myself".

I "tell myself" what I believe while my whole being is leaning toward what I feel.

Here are some things I told myself in the heat of those moments...

"This is not the end of the world."
"You're going to be ok, just take a deep breath."
"Remember how many good things are happening."
"Don't let this define your day."
"Let go of figuring this out, and hand it to God."
"You're not alone in this...others are with you."
"Failure isn't final or fatal.  You will bounce back."
"You've been here before.  This isn't the first time."
"You have what it takes."
"Don't take a defensive posture, don't retreat."
"Let someone who you trust in on what's happening."
"Just because you weren't anticipating this doesn't mean you're stupid."
"Take courage and let yourself be encouraged by others."
"Let your soul feel hurt, don't deny or dismiss your emotions."
"Don't let your emotions alone determine your decisions."
"Facilitate an open dialogue between your heart and mind."
"Don't check you brain out at the door, nor your heart...you need both of them."
"God is right here right now...He will see you through."
"Let yourself feel inadequate...control is an illusion anyways."
"Continue to lead even when you feel disorientation."
"Lead your attitude while you're trying to determine your next action steps."
"Take a long view of things."
"Get some altitude so that your reaction isn't myopic."
"If you succeed or fail God still loves you...so do either with integrity."

These are some thoughts that came to mind today as I still feel the vestiges of yesterday's land mines. The shrapnel of shame and doubt and fear are still lodged in my heart.  So I speak to what I feel with what I believe is real.  This is my way out.  Someone said, "The best way out is through." and this is how I get through things.

So help me, God.