Things I've learned a child needs from their parents after almost 19 years of parenting...
1. To be seen and pursued no matter what they happen to be doing or end up like doing.
2. To be hugged, held, picked up, snuggled with, wrestled with, kissed, and cuddled.
3. To be joked with and made to feel relaxed in casual everyday conversation.
4. To be told no when they are unknowingly engaging something dangerous...at every age.
5. To be apologized to when a parent makes an error in judgement or an (dis)honest mistake.
6. To be communicated to at every age in every stage of life. Ask questions and listen closely.
7. To be connected with at bedtime each night...processing the day and injecting peaceful solutions to any confusions.
8. To be trusted until they abuse that trust. Then actively showing them the path toward renewed trust.
9. To be played with even when the game is fun for them and boring for you. Play is essential.
10. To be raised in a home filled with laughter. The spirit of laughter is life.
11. To be protected from the heaviness of the world early on and then introduced to it year by year as they grow older.
12. To be told stories. Your stories from childhood, their stories from the past or present, stories from books, stories you make up at bedtime, stories from the Bible...they feed on stories.
13. To let them in on when you were a little boy or girl and what you did and felt and thought.
14. To gather for dinner and inquire about everyone's day or week. Teach everyone to listen when someone is sharing their experiences.
15. To discipline them more strictly when they are younger and less forcefully when they are older. Most of the time people do it the other way around and it's too late by the time they want to introduce enforcement and adherence.
16. To realize they are all different and to look for the strengths and vulnerabilities of each, emphasizing the strengths and handling the vulnerabilities with great care.
17. To make sure discipline is connected to a conversation about the why behind the what. After the discipline its important to reassure them that chastening is a form of love.
18. To let them know that you love them and that you always will. They need to know that there is nothing they could do to make you not love them or to make you love them more. They are forever your child.
19. To work on being free in your marriage so that the kids see a real relationship of flirting, tension, conversation, healthy disagreements, apologies, servanthood, joking, crying, laughing, physical affection, dating, and responsibility. Kids need to know the parents love each other more than them.
20. To witness the parents handling hurt, rejection, loss, anxiety, disappointment, failure, and opposition with grace and truth. They don't need to be sent to another room...they need to be taught how to go through pain with integrity. No plastic, no bullcrap, no revenge, no resentment, no platitudes, no excuses, no coping mechanisms...just real engagement with living in a broken world.
21. To not be taken out of every situation that is hard or hurtful...they need to learn how to handle criticism, struggle, suffering, resistance, hard work, and non-ideal situations. They need to learn perseverance.
22. To see self-sacrifice as a way of life. To be raised in a home where people set aside their rights in order to help each other out of difficulties, even if they didn't cause the problem or pain.
23. To give 20 affirmations for every frustration. To keep telling them what you're elated with instead always telling them what you're frustrated with as it relates to their personality, behavior, or attitudes. Look for the good.
24. Integrate God, the kingdom, the church, the Bible, and the Gospel into everyday conversations. Not in awkward ways, but natural rhythms that show that God is working in every aspect of our lives all the time.
25. Look for ways to give them more ownership in your home and with life in general. Expect more of them because you believe they are capable, not because you want them to do things you don't feel like doing. They know the difference. Give them important responsibilities where failure actually would be of consequence. They know when you're handing them things where something weighty hangs in the balance.
Oh, I could go on, but I'm running out of time today. These are just some things that come to mind today. I love my kids and parenting is a privilege beyond belief!
2. To be hugged, held, picked up, snuggled with, wrestled with, kissed, and cuddled.
3. To be joked with and made to feel relaxed in casual everyday conversation.
4. To be told no when they are unknowingly engaging something dangerous...at every age.
5. To be apologized to when a parent makes an error in judgement or an (dis)honest mistake.
6. To be communicated to at every age in every stage of life. Ask questions and listen closely.
7. To be connected with at bedtime each night...processing the day and injecting peaceful solutions to any confusions.
8. To be trusted until they abuse that trust. Then actively showing them the path toward renewed trust.
9. To be played with even when the game is fun for them and boring for you. Play is essential.
10. To be raised in a home filled with laughter. The spirit of laughter is life.
11. To be protected from the heaviness of the world early on and then introduced to it year by year as they grow older.
12. To be told stories. Your stories from childhood, their stories from the past or present, stories from books, stories you make up at bedtime, stories from the Bible...they feed on stories.
13. To let them in on when you were a little boy or girl and what you did and felt and thought.
14. To gather for dinner and inquire about everyone's day or week. Teach everyone to listen when someone is sharing their experiences.
15. To discipline them more strictly when they are younger and less forcefully when they are older. Most of the time people do it the other way around and it's too late by the time they want to introduce enforcement and adherence.
16. To realize they are all different and to look for the strengths and vulnerabilities of each, emphasizing the strengths and handling the vulnerabilities with great care.
17. To make sure discipline is connected to a conversation about the why behind the what. After the discipline its important to reassure them that chastening is a form of love.
18. To let them know that you love them and that you always will. They need to know that there is nothing they could do to make you not love them or to make you love them more. They are forever your child.
19. To work on being free in your marriage so that the kids see a real relationship of flirting, tension, conversation, healthy disagreements, apologies, servanthood, joking, crying, laughing, physical affection, dating, and responsibility. Kids need to know the parents love each other more than them.
20. To witness the parents handling hurt, rejection, loss, anxiety, disappointment, failure, and opposition with grace and truth. They don't need to be sent to another room...they need to be taught how to go through pain with integrity. No plastic, no bullcrap, no revenge, no resentment, no platitudes, no excuses, no coping mechanisms...just real engagement with living in a broken world.
21. To not be taken out of every situation that is hard or hurtful...they need to learn how to handle criticism, struggle, suffering, resistance, hard work, and non-ideal situations. They need to learn perseverance.
22. To see self-sacrifice as a way of life. To be raised in a home where people set aside their rights in order to help each other out of difficulties, even if they didn't cause the problem or pain.
23. To give 20 affirmations for every frustration. To keep telling them what you're elated with instead always telling them what you're frustrated with as it relates to their personality, behavior, or attitudes. Look for the good.
24. Integrate God, the kingdom, the church, the Bible, and the Gospel into everyday conversations. Not in awkward ways, but natural rhythms that show that God is working in every aspect of our lives all the time.
25. Look for ways to give them more ownership in your home and with life in general. Expect more of them because you believe they are capable, not because you want them to do things you don't feel like doing. They know the difference. Give them important responsibilities where failure actually would be of consequence. They know when you're handing them things where something weighty hangs in the balance.
Oh, I could go on, but I'm running out of time today. These are just some things that come to mind today. I love my kids and parenting is a privilege beyond belief!
Comments
Post a Comment