Kami is coming home from her first year of college this week...
It hardly seems possible that this day has come so soon.
I remember dropping her off and crying as we said our last goodbyes. It seems like just yesterday that we were making the 4-hour trip back home, tears kept falling silently as we all made peace inside with the new normal we were moving into for the next season of life.
Her first week was filled with joyful texts and hopeful interactions. She was going to orientations, bonding times, special worship services, preparatory workshops, and above all, meeting new friends and scoping out the new crop of boys roaming the campus. If you would have talked to her in this week, she would have felt like she had died and gone to heaven. Professors were praying before classes (something that never happened in public school), her sweet-mates in her dorm were washing each others feet in an act of servanthood, she was staying up late watching Netflicks with her roommate and newfound friend who lived close to us in Michigan. Life was blissful.
Then, classes started. Everything would have been great had that not happened. It took about a week or two for the reality of her class load to hit her. It couldn't have been two weeks before she had her first test...I think it was Micro-Biology or Anatomy. I remember asking her how she felt it went and she said exuberantly, "I feel really good about it!" I felt great that she was making the transition with relative ease.
It wasn't long after her optimism over the test that she got her grade back...it was something like 64%. I was baffled. She was mortified. We all were stupefied. I remember asking her, "How could you feel like it went really well and be that far off?" I remember the onset of deep concern for her college experience. The next test wasn't much better or the next. These classes were challenging in ways that she had never been challenged and, truth be told, she had never applied herself or put forth much effort in high school. This is when homesickness kicked in.
There were tears and fears on the phone and I think Kami could feel all the weight of what was at stake pressing in on her. Our phone calls probably didn't help, for though we were trying to be comforting and encouraging, we also were a voice of reason and alarm trying to wake her from the slumber of her normal work ethic.
"Kami, how much are you studying for these tests?"
"Dad, I studied a lot. More than I ever have!"
"How many hours did you put in studying for these tests, Kami?"
"Four or five hours, maybe a little more."
"Ok, that might feel like a lot compared to high school, but that is didly squat compared to how much you're going to have to study for college tests, especially in your major. You're going to have to study days in advance, study with friends, get a study mentor, whatever it takes to be prepared."
"I know." (her short response showed that she was feeling ganged up on)
"Kami, I don't want to discourage you, but you need to realize that you have to keep a 75% average in each class in this major or you won't pass and will end up having to take it again. We can't be spending all this money for you to fail, you have to go to your professors and ask them how to study for their tests. Don't just try better next time, talk to them about what you're confused about. If you study really hard and still can't keep up with the demands of the nursing major, then we will make a decision at the end of the semester what to do, but for now, you have to do everything you can to work hard and do you very best in these classes. It's a lot of money to be there and learning is why you're there, not social activities and friendships, as good as those may be. You're there to work hard in school and get a degree."
"I know." (I could hear the crying...could feel the anxiety)
This is how a few phone calls went even as she slowly improved her grade throughout the next month. With each phone call it felt like she was gaining more confidence in herself and the subjects of her study.
I still remember the day she got over a 90% on her first exam. I nearly leapt out of my skin. Hearing the joy in her voice was refreshing. By the time she hit the last month of her classes leading into finals, she was consistently in the 80's and 90's. The low grades from the early part of the semester were evening out and hovering somewhere in the 70's, but we still didn't know if some of the classes would hit that 75% mark, even though she was doing so much better. The hole she was digging out of was deep.
So much of it rested on how well she did on her final exams. She needed to get in the high 90's to pass some of her classes and she could feel the stress acutely. There were tears, fears, and beers (ok, no beers...but I'm sure this is where some students were going with their panic). She was so stressed that she barely ate food that week. She lost 5 pounds. She was going to sleep really late and waking up early. Running on the fumes of fear really. But with every final she took and every grade she got back, it became clear that she was going to hit the high marks she needed to pass.
I remember picking her up from her friends house to bring her home for Christmas vacation. She was visibly relieved and looked like a person who had been through concentration camp for about a week...weary, hungry, and sickly. She left it all on the field...and I was a proud dad for her valiant and victorious spirit. This was a breakthrough moment for my daughter.
I don't think she had ever had to fight so hard for something in her life. She had to dig deep and mature. She had to take her feelings hostage and rise up and go against her fleshly urges to take the easy or convenient path. She learned discipline...the labor of it and the reward of it. She grew up a lot in those first few months of college...more than she had in years of high school. It shaped and sculpted her like nothing I've ever seen before in her life.
And this semester she went in committed to start strong so that she didn't have to come into finals week with abject anxiety and paralyzing panic digging herself out of holes she dug for herself early in the semester. And that is exactly what she did. She had harder classes, but now she knew what it took to succeed and thrive. She was thinking ahead and managing her schedule so much better. She wasn't caught off guard, staying on top of everything every step of the way. And it's paid off. She is heading into finals week with amazing grades and though they haven't come easy, they are the result of my daughter learning deep discipline and executing a plan of attack. More than the academics, this is the education that sets a person up for success in life.
So like I said, she comes home after finals this week and I couldn't be happier to have her home. I'm so proud of her, more than I can put into words. There were moments early on that it was touch and go, I didn't know how she would respond, but I was confident in her intelligence and diligence that laid dormant under years of just getting by. I knew that she had more in her than she was demonstrating in high school, and that if she just tapped into her God-given spirit, she would be astonishing and astounding. And that is exactly what she is.
She is going to be great at whatever she sets her mind to do in the future. I know that because I watched her grow this year...the guts, grit, and grind of this girl are amazing. She slays! Love you, Kami Rose.
I remember dropping her off and crying as we said our last goodbyes. It seems like just yesterday that we were making the 4-hour trip back home, tears kept falling silently as we all made peace inside with the new normal we were moving into for the next season of life.
Her first week was filled with joyful texts and hopeful interactions. She was going to orientations, bonding times, special worship services, preparatory workshops, and above all, meeting new friends and scoping out the new crop of boys roaming the campus. If you would have talked to her in this week, she would have felt like she had died and gone to heaven. Professors were praying before classes (something that never happened in public school), her sweet-mates in her dorm were washing each others feet in an act of servanthood, she was staying up late watching Netflicks with her roommate and newfound friend who lived close to us in Michigan. Life was blissful.
Then, classes started. Everything would have been great had that not happened. It took about a week or two for the reality of her class load to hit her. It couldn't have been two weeks before she had her first test...I think it was Micro-Biology or Anatomy. I remember asking her how she felt it went and she said exuberantly, "I feel really good about it!" I felt great that she was making the transition with relative ease.
It wasn't long after her optimism over the test that she got her grade back...it was something like 64%. I was baffled. She was mortified. We all were stupefied. I remember asking her, "How could you feel like it went really well and be that far off?" I remember the onset of deep concern for her college experience. The next test wasn't much better or the next. These classes were challenging in ways that she had never been challenged and, truth be told, she had never applied herself or put forth much effort in high school. This is when homesickness kicked in.
There were tears and fears on the phone and I think Kami could feel all the weight of what was at stake pressing in on her. Our phone calls probably didn't help, for though we were trying to be comforting and encouraging, we also were a voice of reason and alarm trying to wake her from the slumber of her normal work ethic.
"Kami, how much are you studying for these tests?"
"Dad, I studied a lot. More than I ever have!"
"How many hours did you put in studying for these tests, Kami?"
"Four or five hours, maybe a little more."
"Ok, that might feel like a lot compared to high school, but that is didly squat compared to how much you're going to have to study for college tests, especially in your major. You're going to have to study days in advance, study with friends, get a study mentor, whatever it takes to be prepared."
"I know." (her short response showed that she was feeling ganged up on)
"Kami, I don't want to discourage you, but you need to realize that you have to keep a 75% average in each class in this major or you won't pass and will end up having to take it again. We can't be spending all this money for you to fail, you have to go to your professors and ask them how to study for their tests. Don't just try better next time, talk to them about what you're confused about. If you study really hard and still can't keep up with the demands of the nursing major, then we will make a decision at the end of the semester what to do, but for now, you have to do everything you can to work hard and do you very best in these classes. It's a lot of money to be there and learning is why you're there, not social activities and friendships, as good as those may be. You're there to work hard in school and get a degree."
"I know." (I could hear the crying...could feel the anxiety)
This is how a few phone calls went even as she slowly improved her grade throughout the next month. With each phone call it felt like she was gaining more confidence in herself and the subjects of her study.
I still remember the day she got over a 90% on her first exam. I nearly leapt out of my skin. Hearing the joy in her voice was refreshing. By the time she hit the last month of her classes leading into finals, she was consistently in the 80's and 90's. The low grades from the early part of the semester were evening out and hovering somewhere in the 70's, but we still didn't know if some of the classes would hit that 75% mark, even though she was doing so much better. The hole she was digging out of was deep.
So much of it rested on how well she did on her final exams. She needed to get in the high 90's to pass some of her classes and she could feel the stress acutely. There were tears, fears, and beers (ok, no beers...but I'm sure this is where some students were going with their panic). She was so stressed that she barely ate food that week. She lost 5 pounds. She was going to sleep really late and waking up early. Running on the fumes of fear really. But with every final she took and every grade she got back, it became clear that she was going to hit the high marks she needed to pass.
I remember picking her up from her friends house to bring her home for Christmas vacation. She was visibly relieved and looked like a person who had been through concentration camp for about a week...weary, hungry, and sickly. She left it all on the field...and I was a proud dad for her valiant and victorious spirit. This was a breakthrough moment for my daughter.
I don't think she had ever had to fight so hard for something in her life. She had to dig deep and mature. She had to take her feelings hostage and rise up and go against her fleshly urges to take the easy or convenient path. She learned discipline...the labor of it and the reward of it. She grew up a lot in those first few months of college...more than she had in years of high school. It shaped and sculpted her like nothing I've ever seen before in her life.
And this semester she went in committed to start strong so that she didn't have to come into finals week with abject anxiety and paralyzing panic digging herself out of holes she dug for herself early in the semester. And that is exactly what she did. She had harder classes, but now she knew what it took to succeed and thrive. She was thinking ahead and managing her schedule so much better. She wasn't caught off guard, staying on top of everything every step of the way. And it's paid off. She is heading into finals week with amazing grades and though they haven't come easy, they are the result of my daughter learning deep discipline and executing a plan of attack. More than the academics, this is the education that sets a person up for success in life.
So like I said, she comes home after finals this week and I couldn't be happier to have her home. I'm so proud of her, more than I can put into words. There were moments early on that it was touch and go, I didn't know how she would respond, but I was confident in her intelligence and diligence that laid dormant under years of just getting by. I knew that she had more in her than she was demonstrating in high school, and that if she just tapped into her God-given spirit, she would be astonishing and astounding. And that is exactly what she is.
She is going to be great at whatever she sets her mind to do in the future. I know that because I watched her grow this year...the guts, grit, and grind of this girl are amazing. She slays! Love you, Kami Rose.
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