Vision of obscurity...
I had a weird thing happen to me yesterday.
I had just gotten done talking to my Sabbatical coach on the phone and had an overwhelming sense that my mind was conjuring up a vision of the ending of my life. I don't know how else to say it. I felt as if a painter was bringing clarity to a picture he was painting in my brain and with every brushstroke, I could see myself and my life's end.
I saw an arch in my story. I saw my humble beginnings in Oswego, NY, this depressed and oppressed little town in upstate New York. "What good can come from Oswego, New York?" This phrase surfaced in my mind. I saw the little church of 80 people where I received my roots of faith. I remember singing in that church which is still the loudest sound per person I've every experienced to this day. There was an obscurity to it, but there was a power in the simplicity and intimacy of that small church.
I saw the arch move up and to the right, swelling as my exposure to more occurred and my breadth of influence grew. I saw the excitement of that growth and the expansion of God's kingdom as I used my gifts for His glory. The trajectory was widening and elevating as God multiplied his ministry under my leadership and his superintendence. This is the part of the story that often is celebrated above all others.
But in my vision, I saw this plateau, and I saw the end of my life moving back down toward something humble and small, just like my early years. When I say down, it's not derogatory, like a demotion. It's a move toward calling and purpose and passion. I really wonder if God will bring me a full circle back to the little church with a group of simple folk in the country that I will pastor in my latter days. I could see myself ending my life with little fanfare and less acclaim. I don't now why this vision filled my heart yesterday, but I was drawn to it. I actually found myself smirking in my bedroom when no one else was around at the thought of it.
I don't know what God has in store for my future, but I wanted to log this vision in the event that I had to circle back to it decades from now. I just know I want to be faithful no matter how big or small the ministry I'm honored to lead is or becomes. I want to finish faithful. Finish well.
To that end...
I had just gotten done talking to my Sabbatical coach on the phone and had an overwhelming sense that my mind was conjuring up a vision of the ending of my life. I don't know how else to say it. I felt as if a painter was bringing clarity to a picture he was painting in my brain and with every brushstroke, I could see myself and my life's end.
I saw an arch in my story. I saw my humble beginnings in Oswego, NY, this depressed and oppressed little town in upstate New York. "What good can come from Oswego, New York?" This phrase surfaced in my mind. I saw the little church of 80 people where I received my roots of faith. I remember singing in that church which is still the loudest sound per person I've every experienced to this day. There was an obscurity to it, but there was a power in the simplicity and intimacy of that small church.
I saw the arch move up and to the right, swelling as my exposure to more occurred and my breadth of influence grew. I saw the excitement of that growth and the expansion of God's kingdom as I used my gifts for His glory. The trajectory was widening and elevating as God multiplied his ministry under my leadership and his superintendence. This is the part of the story that often is celebrated above all others.
But in my vision, I saw this plateau, and I saw the end of my life moving back down toward something humble and small, just like my early years. When I say down, it's not derogatory, like a demotion. It's a move toward calling and purpose and passion. I really wonder if God will bring me a full circle back to the little church with a group of simple folk in the country that I will pastor in my latter days. I could see myself ending my life with little fanfare and less acclaim. I don't now why this vision filled my heart yesterday, but I was drawn to it. I actually found myself smirking in my bedroom when no one else was around at the thought of it.
I don't know what God has in store for my future, but I wanted to log this vision in the event that I had to circle back to it decades from now. I just know I want to be faithful no matter how big or small the ministry I'm honored to lead is or becomes. I want to finish faithful. Finish well.
To that end...
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