"I asked God to come into my heart, but He didn't."
This was a bedtime conversation we were having with Caleb last night.
Heidi was talking about his disobedience as of late, specifically his lying. He sits on a throne of lies. It's been exhausting to try and convince him at the age of 5 that this trait will lead to his swift and sure destruction. It's hard to know what he's connecting to and how our metaphors and analogies are landing in his young heart. He seems to be listening, but it isn't lodging at this point.
Well, as Heidi was talking about this behavior as of late she mentioned that he needed Jesus in his heart so that he would have the want and power to do what it right, to make good decisions in order to please God. As she was talking about how much he needed that he mumbled something to himself under one of his blankets that was pulled up over his mouth. I asked him what he muttered.
"I asked God to come into my heart." He said sheepishly.
"When did you do that?" Heidi asked.
"When I was at school." He replied.
It thought: Good grief, he doesn't have a clue as to what we're talking about. After raising the girls (not that we're done) we noticed they were so much more spiritually sensitive about the unseen world and wanted to invite Jesus into their hearts at such an early age without our prompting. The boys seem so wild and distracted and "hands on"...like if they can see or touch it, it isn't real to them.
"At school? When did you do this?" We asked expecting this to be yet another 'little' lie.
"I don't know, but I did. I asked God to come into my heart, but He didn't." He looked like he was about to cry...but maybe he was just overtired.
"Why did you ask God to come into your heart at school?" Heidi inquired further.
"So that I wouldn't be bad anymore." The conversation was touching closer to the soul with every question and answer.
Heidi was quick to speak into his heart: "You aren't a bad boy. Mommy and Daddy don't love you more or less because of your behavior. We will always love you no matter what."
I interjected a thought: "That's right, buddy. You aren't a bad boy, you are a good boy that is making bad decisions. We don't want you to think we think you are bad...we just want you to make better choices so that you will have a good life with good friends."
"Ok." He replied with heavy eyes.
My heart ached for him, but there was also something about the conversation that filled me with hope that he is beginning to connect at least some of the dots. He's 5, so I'm not expecting him to string together the story of redemption, but I want him to know that he is unconditionally loved by us as his parents and yet at the same time that he needs the salvation of God to change his heart.
It's quite a delicate balance to strike: "You are enough...but...you aren't all you need and, as such, not enough. You need to change and in order to change, you need more and that more is God. We love you as you are, but you need to become different than you are." See what I'm saying? Try getting that across to a 5 year old.
I love my boys...and I hope that more than anything they will sense the love Jesus has for them and that they will desire to love him back. I can't make that happen, but I'm praying that God pursues their little hearts to the end. I desire nothing more than their salvation. Until that day, we will love them from our inmost being.
Heidi was talking about his disobedience as of late, specifically his lying. He sits on a throne of lies. It's been exhausting to try and convince him at the age of 5 that this trait will lead to his swift and sure destruction. It's hard to know what he's connecting to and how our metaphors and analogies are landing in his young heart. He seems to be listening, but it isn't lodging at this point.
Well, as Heidi was talking about this behavior as of late she mentioned that he needed Jesus in his heart so that he would have the want and power to do what it right, to make good decisions in order to please God. As she was talking about how much he needed that he mumbled something to himself under one of his blankets that was pulled up over his mouth. I asked him what he muttered.
"I asked God to come into my heart." He said sheepishly.
"When did you do that?" Heidi asked.
"When I was at school." He replied.
It thought: Good grief, he doesn't have a clue as to what we're talking about. After raising the girls (not that we're done) we noticed they were so much more spiritually sensitive about the unseen world and wanted to invite Jesus into their hearts at such an early age without our prompting. The boys seem so wild and distracted and "hands on"...like if they can see or touch it, it isn't real to them.
"At school? When did you do this?" We asked expecting this to be yet another 'little' lie.
"I don't know, but I did. I asked God to come into my heart, but He didn't." He looked like he was about to cry...but maybe he was just overtired.
"Why did you ask God to come into your heart at school?" Heidi inquired further.
"So that I wouldn't be bad anymore." The conversation was touching closer to the soul with every question and answer.
Heidi was quick to speak into his heart: "You aren't a bad boy. Mommy and Daddy don't love you more or less because of your behavior. We will always love you no matter what."
I interjected a thought: "That's right, buddy. You aren't a bad boy, you are a good boy that is making bad decisions. We don't want you to think we think you are bad...we just want you to make better choices so that you will have a good life with good friends."
"Ok." He replied with heavy eyes.
My heart ached for him, but there was also something about the conversation that filled me with hope that he is beginning to connect at least some of the dots. He's 5, so I'm not expecting him to string together the story of redemption, but I want him to know that he is unconditionally loved by us as his parents and yet at the same time that he needs the salvation of God to change his heart.
It's quite a delicate balance to strike: "You are enough...but...you aren't all you need and, as such, not enough. You need to change and in order to change, you need more and that more is God. We love you as you are, but you need to become different than you are." See what I'm saying? Try getting that across to a 5 year old.
I love my boys...and I hope that more than anything they will sense the love Jesus has for them and that they will desire to love him back. I can't make that happen, but I'm praying that God pursues their little hearts to the end. I desire nothing more than their salvation. Until that day, we will love them from our inmost being.
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