Staying affected without getting infected...

I frequently as the Lord for thick skin and a soft heart.  Maybe this is what Jesus meant when he told the disciples they needed to be snakes and doves simultaneously, namely, shrewd as snakes while staying innocent as doves.  Easy peasy…not.

I’m noticing that the leaders I look up to the most are the ones who make hard decisions and do hard things without becoming hard-hearted.  I probably respect it because I’m realizing how difficult it is to pull off.  Staying innocent while being crafty…that takes an intentionality and discipline.

I was talking to someone a couple days ago about this when they asked how they could pray for me.  I told them that I wanted a soft heart, but that life just has a way of pounding that out of you if you’re not practicing forgiving and forbearing as a lifestyle.  And then this phrase came out of my mouth…

I want to stay sensitive enough to be affected by life without crossing that thin line and being infected by life.  

Affected, but not infected.  I don’t know exactly where the line is crossed, but I can feel the weight of the world in a good way—a God way—and within moments cross over into a hard and bitter place, poisoned by people.  So that’s why my prayer request was that God would grant me a heart that stays affected without getting infected.

I only write this out today to try and put this slippery feeling into words.  It’s hard for me to get ahold of it and hold onto it once I have it.  I see people who have let the world steal their joy, hope, love, and peace.  I witness the hollow basset hound eyes or the black beady shark eyes.  I can also see eyes alive, poised while others are poisoned.  They stand out in a world of weight.  Their faces glow and their eyes shine with promise and possibility.  They live in the same world, but aren’t overcome by it.  They are innocent and cunning…somehow living that ethos of Jesus against all odds.

So this is what I write to stay in pursuit of.  Guard me and guide me, King Jesus.