The conflict of really trusting God...
It's my day off so my mind was drifting a bit.
There are a couple phrases that collided in my mind on the way to Lowell today. They come from a few different places in Scripture, but they speak of trust without certitude. True faith. This is something I struggle with, so I'm intrigued when I notice someone living or serving or worshipping even when things aren't going well or may never pan out. It's easy to follow God when we are clinging with gaurantee to some preferred picture of our future. The deal usually goes something like this: "I'll do this for you if you do that for me." or "If you give me that, I'll keep giving you this."
But a couple verses came to mind today that mess with that paradigm...
Daniel 3:17-18 - "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from you Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Hebrews 5:7 - "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission."
I Samuel 14:6 - "Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, 'Come, let's go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.'"
I've highlighted the words and phrases that seemed to be saying the same thing in different ways. Namely, that it is possible to believe passionately in God and not get what you want. To say things like 'God is able to' and then to say "but even if he does not' without contraditing yourself. In fact, you have to wonder if people really trust God at all if they believe that their perspective, no matter how passionate, is definitely God's. You can pray fervently as Jesus did to the one who could save him from death, but didn't in the end. He was said to have reverent submission and yet he cried out for God to save him with tears and cries as a human really desiring to be spared. "Let this cup pass from me...yet not my will but yours be done." You have to say the first thing, or you're an unfeelingly inhuman; but you have to say the second thing or you're not really trusting and submitted child of the true God.
I think it's perfectly fine to declare that 'nothing can hinder the Lord from saving' and at the same time say 'perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf'. Perhaps? PERHAPS!? That doesn't sound like very convincing faith. That isn't bone deep belief? At least it doesn't seem so. But I guess that's what I'm trying to say...I think it's powerful to declare the greatness of God...the ability of God, the saving power of God, the active capability of God...and yet throw in words like 'even if', 'he could', and 'perhaps'.
I want to have that kind of faith...to say...
"God, you are able to deliver me, no question. But even if you don't, it won't shake my faith or lessen my love. You are still good and you are still God."
"God, I will keep offering up prayers and petitions to you with fervent cries and tears knowing you could save me from disaster. But just because you could doesn't mean it would be best, so I bow in reverent submission to your will. I want your will."
"God, I don't think anything can hinder you or hold you back from acting on my behalf...perhaps you will, perhaps you won't...I will still move forward in obedience regardless."
I want to be better at praying these kinds of prayers...it is not weak faith to do so. It's reverent, humble, obedient, surrendered, and submitted faith. I want to mature in my walk with God. To say with Paul, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I acted like a child, I understood as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things. For now we see God as through a darkened glass, but someday we shall see him face to face and then we will know even as we are known."
Right now, I might think I know...but I often don't. I see things through foggy lenses. I speak, act, and understand partially and so I have to leave room for God to do what he wills even if it's not what I want knowing that my wants aren't always His will. I have to trust God, even if we disagree on what we see--strik that--especially when we disagree on what we see.
That's my heart today, Lord.
There are a couple phrases that collided in my mind on the way to Lowell today. They come from a few different places in Scripture, but they speak of trust without certitude. True faith. This is something I struggle with, so I'm intrigued when I notice someone living or serving or worshipping even when things aren't going well or may never pan out. It's easy to follow God when we are clinging with gaurantee to some preferred picture of our future. The deal usually goes something like this: "I'll do this for you if you do that for me." or "If you give me that, I'll keep giving you this."
But a couple verses came to mind today that mess with that paradigm...
Daniel 3:17-18 - "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from you Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Hebrews 5:7 - "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission."
I Samuel 14:6 - "Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, 'Come, let's go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.'"
I've highlighted the words and phrases that seemed to be saying the same thing in different ways. Namely, that it is possible to believe passionately in God and not get what you want. To say things like 'God is able to' and then to say "but even if he does not' without contraditing yourself. In fact, you have to wonder if people really trust God at all if they believe that their perspective, no matter how passionate, is definitely God's. You can pray fervently as Jesus did to the one who could save him from death, but didn't in the end. He was said to have reverent submission and yet he cried out for God to save him with tears and cries as a human really desiring to be spared. "Let this cup pass from me...yet not my will but yours be done." You have to say the first thing, or you're an unfeelingly inhuman; but you have to say the second thing or you're not really trusting and submitted child of the true God.
I think it's perfectly fine to declare that 'nothing can hinder the Lord from saving' and at the same time say 'perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf'. Perhaps? PERHAPS!? That doesn't sound like very convincing faith. That isn't bone deep belief? At least it doesn't seem so. But I guess that's what I'm trying to say...I think it's powerful to declare the greatness of God...the ability of God, the saving power of God, the active capability of God...and yet throw in words like 'even if', 'he could', and 'perhaps'.
I want to have that kind of faith...to say...
"God, you are able to deliver me, no question. But even if you don't, it won't shake my faith or lessen my love. You are still good and you are still God."
"God, I will keep offering up prayers and petitions to you with fervent cries and tears knowing you could save me from disaster. But just because you could doesn't mean it would be best, so I bow in reverent submission to your will. I want your will."
"God, I don't think anything can hinder you or hold you back from acting on my behalf...perhaps you will, perhaps you won't...I will still move forward in obedience regardless."
I want to be better at praying these kinds of prayers...it is not weak faith to do so. It's reverent, humble, obedient, surrendered, and submitted faith. I want to mature in my walk with God. To say with Paul, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I acted like a child, I understood as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things. For now we see God as through a darkened glass, but someday we shall see him face to face and then we will know even as we are known."
Right now, I might think I know...but I often don't. I see things through foggy lenses. I speak, act, and understand partially and so I have to leave room for God to do what he wills even if it's not what I want knowing that my wants aren't always His will. I have to trust God, even if we disagree on what we see--strik that--especially when we disagree on what we see.
That's my heart today, Lord.
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