Living with not being liked...

The Bible says, “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Initially that feels like a lot of pressure.  But I have a thought on this verse, a take on it, if you will.

I think living at peace with everyone is different than living to please everyone.

I know peace and pleasure often go hand in hand, but I’ve learned that with people I can do everything in my power to foster peace and harmony and still fail to please them and whatever expectation they had of me. 

To live at peace with others in some ways frees you to displease them depending on how you look at it.  There are times that I make peace with the idea that I’ve done all I can to be a peacemaker and it puts me at peace with the person even if they aren’t pleased.  I’ve done all that I know to do, as far as it depends on me, and that frees me to release the obsessive need to please them.

I love the phrase: “As far as it depends on you.”  It’s what isn’t in the text that becomes the argument from silence.  Here’s the other side of this verse that is implied…“there is another half that depends on them.”  I’m 50% of the “peace equation” and the other party makes up the other half.  I can only go so far…and that’s “as far” as it depends on me.  I can’t make them want something, do something, forgive something, say something, or believe something.  That depends on them.  That also allows me to be at peace with “everyone”…because I know I’ve done what depends on me and that’s all I can do…the rest depends on them. 

Ahhhh, that felt good.  Did you feel all that you were carrying that actually depended on them taken off your shoulders?  That’s not yours or mine to carrying…we’re only responsible for what depends on us…as the text says, that’s “as far” as God wants us to go.

It’s weird, I can live at peace with someone that I can’t seem to please no matter what I do.  Now that doesn’t mean that they’re at peace with me, but that’s just the thing, they lose their power over you when you distinguish between the word “peace” and “please”.  I can’t please everyone, no one can.  It’s a futile endeavor.  But through Christ, I can live at peace with everyone.  I don’t have to harbor bitterness toward them or absorb their bitterness toward me.  I can make peace with my efforts toward peace, and if they don’t do their part to work toward that for whatever reason, I can make peace with the idea that I can’t control other people’s responses and decisions and feelings.  I can be ok with rejection, cold shoulders, and stink eyes.  It’s not that it doesn’t have a brief effect, but I’m no longer held hostage by the opinions of others about me.  That’s not mine to own. 

It’s not easy to not be liked, but it’s still possible to have peace when others aren’t pleased.  I’m not here to please people, I’m here to do everything in my power, as far as it depends on me, to live at people with everyone.  I’ve let go of the dream of pleasing everyone…I’m at peace with that and thus, I’m at peace with my relationship with them, too. 

It’s always nice to get that rock out of your shoe.