Forgiveness doesn't equal Trust...

I'm finding it's a common misconception.

"If God has forgiven me, why won't you?"

This statement typically is used as a crowbar to get someone to release them from the natural consequenses of their behavior.  People immediately feel like there is something biblical about the statement and yet something about it isn't settling in their spirit.  There's a reason for this.

What they are demanding is more than forgiveness, they want trust.  This is a vital distinction.

We are asked by God to forgive as we've been forgiven.  It's in the Lord's prayer.  It's in the Sermon on the Mount...70 times 7.  Jesus forgave the people that were crucifying him..."Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."  Paul wrote about it over and over again in the epistles. We are commanded to forgive in order to free ourselves from holding onto bitterness which ultimately creates personal bondage.

So when a person is asking for a restoration of position or personal relationship with me...to essentially pretend like something didn't happen..."to forgive and forget", I typically say...

"I have forgiven you and want the best for you, but I don't trust you right now."

This is where you see the volcano erupt typically because they've falsely equated forgiveness with faith.  They are demanding that when you forgive them you also place complete faith in their character and credibility as well.  They want to go back to the way it used to be as soon as possible, typically on their terms and in their timing.  So the purpose of forgiveness to them is to make like something didn't happen employing verses like "remembering your sins no more" and forgetting them "as far as the east is from the west".  These verses speak of God's forgiveness, not restored trust or erasing the consequences of one's behavior.  Forgiveness isn't a "get out of jail free" card you can play to force people to give you back what you lost.  You can't use God's forgiveness to guilt people into placing unjustified trust in you.  That's demented doctrine.

If forgiveness uqualed trust, then when a pedophile comes to our church we are obligated to not just welcome them into our assembly, but also to work in our children's ministry.  Not gonna happen.  Why?  Don't we forgive this person?  Sure we do.  But we don't trust them in the particular area they have shown themselves to be weak and untrustworthy, and frankly dangerous.  I know that might feel harsh, but forgiving people isn't a clean slate or a second chance every time in every case, it's a posture of giving someone the same grace and mercy we've been given by God while holding the right to be reasonable with the natural consequences of someone's poor decision.  This takes discernment depending on the offense, but that's the point...the offender doesn't have the right to demand a restoration of rights.  They are to place themselves under the authority of spiritual leadership to guide them along in the redemption/restoration/reconciliation process.  Sometimes forgiveness doesn't mean that friendship will ever be safe again.  Sometimes the marriage can't be repaired.  Sometimes it's better to go to another church or to attend a different Life group or to get another job or to move to another town.  Sometimes you're not able to be around kids under the age of 18 and that's the jagged little pill you have to swallow as a result of your lapse of judgement that violated someone else's soul and trust.  Sometimes forgiveness doesn't end with a restoration of trust, and sometimes it shouldn't.  Again, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to this sticky, touchy topic, but I felt the need to write on it if only to attempt to put this distinction into words.

I'm tired of offenders using God's forgiveness a liscence to demand people's trust.  They are not the same thing and until this is understood, God is going to be used to make good people feel guilty for being reasonable and responsible.  Sin has consequences and forgiveness doesn't erase those all the time.  A humble heart that is submitted to God and committed to people will realize this.  They will understand that their actions may disqualify them from what they were formally entrusted with.  Contrite people don't make immature and premature demands of others they have hurt by their actions.  They realize that God's and people's forgiveness doesn't put them on the fast track of trust.  It's not a monorail...it's two different tracks.

Those are my humble thoughts with the finite brain I've been given.